Goodnight, Elsie Read online

  Frank’s mind started to wonder about such things as blessings, he was beginning to doubt his faith, watching his wife mentally slip away from him was causing him to have his own set of issues. He wondered who to put his hope in. Blessings and prayer were fine, but his thoughts were more along the lines of ‘doctors don’t bless, they fix.’ He hoped the medical profession could help fix her, or at least control the decline.

  Several hours passed by with them just sitting around chatting and enjoying each other’s company when the phone rang. As usual, Frank got to it first. “Frank Herbert here,” he said. He still had his work voice.

  “Hello Frank, Doctor Bailey here, I’ve decided to phone you personally as I’ve made arrangements to have Elsie tested. It may take a week or two until you hear from the clinic but things have been set up so we’re on track for a full and complete diagnosis. Just letting you know that things are up and running now, so all you have to do is wait for them to contact you with the date and time. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to call me if things deteriorate. I’m also concerned for you Frank, if you need a little stress relief or want to talk, come and see me, I understand the situation you’re in.”

  “Thank you, doctor, I’ll remember to do that if I need to.”

  “That’s good then, good-bye Frank.”

  As Frank hung up the phone, he was grateful he had a doctor that was prepared to personally ring them; normally it would have been the nurse who phoned. Maybe he could do with some stress relief for himself; the days were slowly but surely getting harder to get through. What not long ago seemed to be just a little forgetfulness for Elsie was turning into something more serious, it was not what Frank was used to. He was a practical and functional man but medically inexperienced as they had never had serious health issues in their lives before, until Elsie had been diagnosed with osteoporosis. He had been diagnosed with high cholesterol and high blood pressure several years earlier, but both of those were dealt with now. It was Elsie who had encouraged him to get it checked. Prior to that, they were both fit and healthy, without the need to worry about medical dilemmas, so seldom ever went to the doctor. He had been noticing his own age creeping up on him with a few aches and pains, but he wasn’t one to go to doctors about his own health, he just ignored any feelings of discomfort.

  CHAPTER TWO

  After he hung the phone up, Frank wondered about the clinic, if it was just somewhere Elsie was to go to for a normal appointment or if she was going to be admitted. He thought he had better find out just what the clinic was all about so that he could be in touch with what was going on. He also thought he better do some research on dementia so as to be in tune with Elsie. He had a basic understanding of dementia like most people had, but there was very little depth to his knowledge; he now realized there was a lot more to this. It was not an issue that had ever arisen before so he had never bothered to learn anything about it, as he never thought he would ever need to. After making a few phone calls, Frank found out the clinic was part of the local hospital, not on the same grounds, but run by the same medical board. He had heard of the clinic but not ever having anyone he knew go there, he hadn’t bothered to learn too much about it; he was now learning quickly about such things, although he wished he didn’t need to.

  Late in the afternoon, their good friends and neighbors from next door, Dave and Julie, came over for a visit to see what the doctor had to say about Elsie’s condition. Dave had recently turned sixty-five and had retired; Julie was sixty-two and hadn’t ever had regular work, although she had the odd job from time to time. Frank often wondered about her irregular night work, he would hear her car come and go at odd hours. As usual, the couple just knocked on the door and walked in as they were always welcome and that was the way things were, both neighbors came and went from each other’s homes freely. They had known Frank and Elsie for almost twenty years and had noticed her slight mental decline, which had gotten worse over the last several months. They didn’t think she was losing her mind as such, just losing her awareness of what was going on around her. They had noticed her lack of concentration and her increasing confusion about things that were once normal for her. Frank, of course, had noticed it longer than they had.

  They found Frank and Elsie in the sitting room reading magazines; Frank was reading one about home renovations while Elsie was reading about the latest fashions. She was interested in fashion and had worked in a clothing store for many years. Elsie didn’t bother to look up when they entered the room but Frank greeted them.

  Julie asked “how’d you get on at the doctors, El?”

  Elsie just kept reading without acknowledging them and said softly, “I’m okay, I’m fine.”

  Frank got up and led them to the kitchen where he began to explain. “El has a type of dementia that we need to get sorted out. The doctor doesn’t know which type it is, apparently there’s different types caused by different things. We need to get her checked by a specialist, then they’ll know what they can do about it, or even if they can do anything at all to help. I’m not too worried; they know what they’re doing, so I’ll just go with the flow about this.”

  Dave and Julie noticed he looked worried even though he said he wasn’t. Dave replied, “Keep us up to date with what’s happening. We’ll help out if we can. If you two need anything, let us know.”

  As Frank and Dave began talking about other things, Julie went to sit with Elsie as she felt concerned for her. Elsie was still sitting as she had been and it seemed she was still on the same page of the magazine, as Julie had noticed the brightly colored photo earlier. She sat down without Elsie looking up or paying any attention at all to her presence in the room. She spoke caringly to Elsie, “What are you reading? You seem fairly engrossed in it, it must be good.”

  Elsie looked at her distantly and responded indifferently, “I was looking at children’s clothes and wondering why Frank and I never had children, I miss not being a mother.”

  “You never told me why that was, did you two decide on that, or did it just not happen?”

  “It just didn’t happen. We wanted children, but it seems it wasn’t our destiny to be parents. We are both only children ourselves, so I guess that’s where the family line stopped. When we were dating years ago, that was a real connection between us, neither of us having brothers or sisters created a bond. I remember the dating years well; I’ve been thinking of them a lot today. I’m glad I married Frank, he’s a good man, and I’m proud to be his wife.”

  “That’s good Elsie, I’m glad I married Dave.” They chatted away for a while about their husbands, then Julie said, “I need to get going now, things to do, bye for now.”

  “Okay then, see you later, bye.”

  When Julie returned to the dining room, Dave and Frank had been talking more about home renovations than Elsie’s condition. She thought that perhaps Frank was just doing the man- thing and not sharing his feelings. Renovations and power tools didn’t interest Julie at all. She made a mental note to have a private talk with Frank sometime concerning his wife; she was sure there was more to this than what he was letting on.

  Frank had briefly mentioned to Dave about how the need for a specialist diagnosis bothered him a little but didn’t elaborate too much because at this point, he wasn’t really sure what was happening. His years as a home handyman had taught him that even though he could improve or repair certain things, some things were beyond him and that’s when he needed to get a specialist to sort out certain problems, just like this one. He knew there was nothing he could do to improve the current state of Elsie’s health.

  The next day, Julie went over to talk with Frank as she had heard him out in the garage while she had been in her back yard. She knew she could speak with him privately as Elsie didn’t go out where Frank was working, other than her walks, she didn’t tend to spend any time outside now. Julie entered the garage through the side door.

  Frank was sanding a dressing table he was renovating. He was surprised to see
her; she didn’t ever come into his work area. He looked at her questioningly, “hi there, what do you want?”

  Julie said, “I just want to have a talk about Elsie, how is she really doing? What’s really wrong with her?”

  Frank looked concerned when he answered. “You know she has osteoporosis, and now dementia. But she also has some other problems, ones she won’t tell me about, so it’s not looking good for her. You know she doesn’t do gardening anymore, but she doesn’t cook, or clean, or do anything else, either. And sometimes she gets confused about what to wear. You don’t see it all but she’s sicker than you think. She can leave the house in a mess and not notice.”

  Julie replied, “well, that sounds worse than I thought. Maybe her time’s up. I don’t know much about dementia; I’ve heard of it but haven’t ever met anyone who has it. Is it controllable or curable or is just something that’s going to be with her for the rest of her life? Or is it going to end her life?”

  Frank said, “I’m not sure about all that, she’s going to get assessed when she goes to the clinic. Apparently they work it all out, then decide what can be done to help her, or what can’t be done at all. It depends on what type of dementia it is and what has caused it. Once they know that, then we can decide what to do. It’s not looking good though.”

  Julie looked a little sad, “well, okay then, no, it’s not looking good, is it? I feel really sorry for her, it’s a shame she is not well. She’s not as friendly as she used to be, either. Poor Elsie, I really hope the doctors can help her. Well I better get back, things to do. ‘Bye.”

  Frank was ok with her leaving; he had things to do as well. “Okay, ‘bye” He carried on and finished tidying the dresser later that day. He had done it for Elsie as she loved it; she’d had it for twenty years; Frank had bought it for her as a wedding anniversary gift.

  Several days passed before the local dementia clinic rang with an appointment for Elsie. The initial consultation was to determine whether or not she would need to be admitted for a more in-depth analysis, which generally meant she would be. They would look at all possible causes of her condition by carrying out several types of tests. There were a number of different specialists there so she would be correctly diagnosed. If it did turn out to be a form of dementia, the doctors would then look at what type of dementia Elsie was suffering from so a form of treatment and care could be set up for her.

  The situation had begun to dominate their lives and Frank’s daily thoughts and actions were based on Elsie’s illness. He was focused on caring for his wife. Dave had suggested going online using the Internet to get some knowledge of what was really going on. Frank knew how to use computers and had basic Internet skills, such as online banking, but was not very familiar with how to do Internet searches. So Dave had said he could do it for him, or Frank could go to his house and they could do it together while Elsie was in the clinic. Frank thought he might do that at some point, but he was in no hurry to do it just yet.

  One night as they lay in bed, Elsie cuddled up to Frank and said, “you’re a good man, Frankie, goodnight.”

  Frank hadn’t had her cuddle up to him for a long time; he liked it. “And you’re a good woman, I love you, I always have and always will. Goodnight El, sleep well.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  As the days passed, Elsie seemed a little more confused more often and at times she just shut herself down and didn’t seem to care about anything at all anymore. Frank wondered if the recent diagnosis had caused her some concern. Although she seemed not to be too worried, he was sure she was having some internal stress issues. One night when they had gone to bed, she seemed fidgety and unable to relax, she seemed to have something on her mind that was bothering her, but she wouldn’t talk about it. That was normal for her these days, so Frank just let himself drift off to sleep, thinking perhaps her brittle bones were hurting her.

  The following morning when Frank woke up, there was no Elsie beside him, which was unusual as for the last few months he was generally up and about before she was. It was normally Frank who got their day started and prepared breakfast for them both. When he looked at the clock, he saw it was still very early and he wondered why Elsie wasn’t beside him. He wasted no time lying there and got up to go and find her as this didn’t seem good to him. He found her sitting at the dining room table looking as if she had been crying all night. She looked very tired and he wondered how long she had been sitting there. It could have been for several hours as he had been asleep and hadn’t noticed she had gone.

  “What’s wrong, El? Are you okay?” He spoke with obvious concern for her.

  “No. I’m not okay, I’m a sick woman. I don’t think I can sleep in our bed anymore, I think I need to sleep in the guest room now. The little moments I’ve been telling you about aren’t in my mind. They’re in my bladder. I’ll move into the spare room so you can sleep in a dry bed. I think I’m becoming incontinent. I’ve managed to hide it so far, but there’s been a few times when I’ve only just made it to the lavatory, and I was a bit damp when I got there. I don’t want to lose control while I’m sleeping beside you, that wouldn’t be nice for you. Things are changing now; I don’t know why, but everything seems different lately.”

  Hearing that bothered Frank, he wasn’t sure how to take what he had just heard. This was his wife saying she wouldn’t be sleeping beside him anymore. It meant she was getting physically sicker as well as mentally; or perhaps she was having some sort of psychosomatic issue. It didn’t sound like anything to do with the osteoporosis; he guessed it may have something to do with the dementia. The situation seemed to be going from bad to worse, this was not good. She was right about one thing, things were changing for them. He was not sure what to say to her. He recalled Ivan’s invitation for a talk and their doctor’s offer of help. He thought perhaps it would be wise to talk with both of them; he needed some advice on how to deal with this. Their lives were becoming far more intense than what he could ever have imagined they would be. He was unsure what he should do for her, he was way out of his comfort zone with what he had just heard. If she were not beside him during the night and something was to go wrong with her physically and she called to him but he couldn’t hear her, then by the time he got to her, it may be too late.

  “What can I do to help you? You tell me what you need done and I’ll do it for you. There’s no need to move into the guestroom. I don’t mind if the bed gets a bit damp, I can live with it. Or, I could go and get you some incontinence pads if you want me to. I think that would be the best thing to do. Sleeping alone may not be a good thing to do if you’re not well. I can help you here, just tell me what you want done, and I’ll do it for you. We can sort this out.”

  Elise looked at the floor and said, “I don’t care, I can’t be bothered with all this, I’ll just move into the guest room so you can have a good, dry, sleep each night. You can just do what you think is best for you and leave me to work this out myself. I’ll be okay love; you just carry on as normal. I don’t think I want to wear pads, I’m not a baby.”

  Frank knew his normal Elsie wouldn’t have minded if she needed to wear pads; this didn’t sit well with him. It sounded to him like a wall was beginning to grow between them, this didn’t sound like his wife at all. Normally she would talk things over with him before making any major decisions which would affect both of them.

  He started getting them both breakfast all the while keeping an eye on her. The reason he was the one who would prepare the meals and maintain the kitchen and the rest of the household was not only because she would often forget to turn off stove top elements or faucets. There were times when her prepared meals weren’t really what they should have been; she’d get confused about how long some things needed to cook. There was a time recently when Frank saw water running out from under the bathroom door. She had decided to have a bath so put the plug in and turned on the water, then went for a walk without mentioning it to him. It made a very damp mess; it had taken Frank a long time
to soak up the water. But when she had gotten home from her walk, she thought he had made the mess.

  She was sitting very still with no movements at all and seemed mentally distant. Not so long ago, she would have been active this time of morning while happily chattering away to him. With an egg on toast, her favorite breakfast prepared, Frank placed the plate before her with a coffee. Elsie gave him a kind smile but said nothing. They ate in silence. Frank was worried for his wife; it was hard for him to see her fading away. The once energetic and cheerful Elsie now seemed to not care about anything at all, not even about herself. He had been noticing the slow decline in her energy and enthusiasm for life for some time but of late it seemed to be becoming more rapid as she seemed to be shrinking inside herself.

  Frank finished his breakfast, then went into the study, a place where he could sit and think. He thought again about Ivan’s invitation for a talk and the doctor’s offer of help. He decided to see both the doctor and Ivan; he needed some sort of guidance if he was to be able to help Elsie. He was realizing there was more to care-giving than just cooking for someone, which wasn’t his natural talent at all. He also thought about Elsie’s incontinence, was it real, or was she just not listening to her body and leaving it too long before going to the lavatory? After much thought, he decided Elsie needed to get back to the doctor again. If she was incontinent, then the doctor needed to know about it. There might be other medical issues he might need to look at. He hoped there wouldn’t be but knew their doctor needed to know what was happening.

  Frank left the study to go and talk with Elsie about going back to see the doctor, but she wasn’t in the kitchen or the sitting room or the bedroom, nor was she in the bathroom. He looked everywhere and called to her but there was no reply, she must have gone out somewhere. That was unusual as she would normally tell him if she was going next door or going for a walk. He went out front to have a look when he noticed her down the street a little way, looking at some flowers in a garden; she seemed okay, so he returned inside. She had always enjoyed walking around the neighborhood, looking at the gardens so that was not unusual for her, it was just that she didn’t mention it prior to leaving that worried Frank a little. He felt that in her current medical state he should be aware of where she was at all times. He thought that perhaps he should go with her on her walks, but he knew it was something she liked to do alone.